Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Brynn's birth story.

I want to write about this while it is still fresh in my mind.  I want to remember this day for the rest of my life.  The best day of my life.

It was Friday, April 26th.  We had a scheduled c-section for that morning.  Surgery was set for 12:00 that afternoon and I had to be there by 9:30 that morning.  I did not sleep very well the night before.  Tossing and turning thinking about what was to come.  I was nervous about the surgery, but for some reason, nervous more so about becoming a mom.  This was something I had always dreamed of, but now the day it was about to come true, I was nervous.  Nervous about whether or not I would be a good mom, if I would know what to do to take care of her, to calm her down.  Steve and my mom reassured me that I would be fine, I would be a great mom and everything would just come naturally.

I woke up at 7:00 that morning, rolled over and looked at Steve and said todays the day, today we are having a baby!  Shortly after laying there for a little bit we heard the dogs start barking like crazy.  We got up to see that Honey and Pops (my grandparents) had driven straight through the night to make sure that they were there for the birth of Brynn.  I knew they were coming, but I never expected them to drive through the night, and it meant a lot to have them both there.

We both got dressed, got our bags together, took a few last pictures.  A last baby bump picture, a last picture as a family of two + fur baby.  Then, it was time to go.  We passed out our hugs and kisses and made our way to the hospital.

We arrived at 9:30, checked in and made our way to the pre-procedure area of the hospital.  I quickly changed into my hospital gown and was hooked up to monitors and IV.  I laid there for about 2 hours answering questions from the nurses and just waiting for the time to come.  During that waiting period I actually started to get contractions.  They were nothing majorly intense, but they were starting, and in some way that was a little comforting.  Comforting to know that even though I was deciding when she was going to come into this world, that she probably would have been coming on her own very shortly.

Not to long after I was all hooked up, my parents showed up, then my grandmother and cousin.  We sat around talking, joking and taking pictures.  Soon the doctor showed up, and it was finally show time. Steve suited up into his doctor gear and we said our good-byes to the family.  I was wheeled to the operating room, Steve kissed me and waited outside the door until he was allowed to come inside.

When they took me inside I sat on the edge of the table.  It was time for the epidural.  I was instructed to lean over a pillow, while another man held my shoulders down.  The anesthiolgist cleaned off my back and proceeded with the epidural.  I was not too nervous about it, but didn't really know what to expect.  But, it really wasn't that bad, a pinch and then pressure and that was it.  I laid there on the operating table while my legs started to get warm, tingly and heavy.  It was such a strange feeling, knowing what was happening...and just not being able to move.  They kept putting alcohol pads from my legs up to my stomach to see if I could feel how cold it was.  I was really nervous about feeling something.  Soon the curtain was up and then Steve showed up and was by my side.  They kept pinching me with some tool to see if I could feel it, and I could.  So, they waited a little longer.  Finally they decided to start, they said that if I could feel it totally, I would be screaming.  And so it started.

They told me when they made the incision.  I felt a lot of tugging and pulling and pressure during the whole thing.  It was nothing painful, but just a very weird sensation.  The pressure when they were pulling her out was immense.  But then all of a sudden everything washed away when they said "OK we are taking the baby out now, you are going to feel a lot of pressure."  Then I heard my doctor say "Wow a lot of hair!"  followed by "Thank goodness I didn't let you deliver this baby Lauryn, this is a BIG baby!"  And then I heard the sweetest sound ever...Brynn's cry.  Steve quickly left my side to take pictures and cut the cord.  And it seemed like an eternity before they brought her over to me.  Steve held her on my chest and I just kissed her forehead and caressed her little face with my fingers.  I had never seen anything so perfect!  And instantly, instantly...my whole heart was full.  I felt a love like I had never felt in my life...my life felt instantly complete..and I never believed more in God than I did in that very moment.

Steve left the room with the baby to take her to the nursery to get cleaned up and I stayed back while they continued to sew me back up.  It was about 30 minutes and then they wheeled me into recovery.  This was the worst part.  I just laid there for two hours staring at the ceiling.  They kept telling me to sleep.  I though this was just crazy!  How could I possibly sleep when I just had this new little baby..and I couldn't wait to go see her!  After two hours they finally got me a room and brought me my baby.  I held her and just stared at her in amazement.  She was absolutely perfect.  Perfect and beautiful in every way.  And as I sit here and write this I have tears rolling down my cheeks, because that's exactly what she is... perfect.  And when I look at her I am just overwhelmed by this immense love.  This feeling I have never felt before.  A feeling that I would do anything for this little girl.  A feeling that makes me want to be a better person.  The best version of myself.  The best mommy that I can be.  And to always try my best to give her the happiest life.  A life full of love, family and memories.

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